This Really Bugs Me

Today,  while surfing through the zillion channels on cable,  I came across this guy stuffing 17 really big cockroaches into his mouth.  He had to put them in his mouth and keep his mouth closed for ten full seconds before spitting them out to break the world record for … Well,  what he just did.  The guy’s a zookeeper somewhere in Ohio or … somewhere in the  – who cares?  The show was  ‘The Guinness World Records Gone Wild’  or … Who cares?    

After he spit them out they had to make sure that they were all still alive.  That’s part of deal.  If one of them dies in your mouth,  you’re disqualified.  I thought to myself,  ‘Is putting 17 dead really big cockroaches in your mouth any less daunting a feat?’  17 really big live cockroaches?  Disgusting!  But 17 dead  really big cockroaches?  Piece of cake.

The old record was 16 really big cockroaches.  This is where I have question the contest.  There’s a reason they have weight classes in boxing:  You can’t take a man who weighs 100 pounds and put him up against a man who weighs 200 pounds.  It’s simply a matter physics.  And,  when it comes to stuffing really big cockroaches in your mouth?  You can’t put 2 pounds of bologna in a 1 pound bag. 

Let’s face it.  Anyone who would put even 1 really big cockroach into his mouth and hold it there for ten seconds wouldn’t have any problem with 2 really big cockroaches in his mouth.  Or … 3 … or … 4 … or … Clearly,  it isn’t the number of really big cockroaches a man puts into his mouth but the size of the mouth of the man who puts really big cockroaches into it.

So,  I’m sorry,  Mr. Guiness World Record Holder for the Most Really Big Cockroaches Held in Your Mouth for 10 Seconds,  but it’s only a matter of time before some other zookeeper in Ohio with as strong a stomach but bigger oral receptacle stuffs 18 … 19 … Who Knows?  There may be some dude out there with an insatiable appetite for really big cockroaches and a dislocated mandible.

So,  today,  I was surfing through the zillion channels on cable and I came across this guy stuffing 17 really big cockroaches into his mouth. 

Clearly,  at least one of us has to get a life.

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